Look at me now...

Although this is a month late in coming, here is where we are with my eye today (well, actually on Christmas Eve with my grandma):Not bad at all. I can live with this. There will be one more surgery for a little padding and straightening of the upper eyelid and a little tuck in the corner of the lower eyelid and I'll be good as can be for the next 2-8 years. I'm happy with the outcome. This is what I expected in the beginning. It was just one year and one week instead of 6 weeks. I am almost to the point where I can leave my home without thinking about where my sunglasses or pirate patches are. I am also at the point where I can start to learn things from this experience. Lots of people ask what I've learned through this trial, so I thought I'd share a little.

First of all, this was a physical and somewhat mental trial. It was not a trial of faith. I don't believe that I've spent a second questioning God, His love for me, or His plan for me and my family. Maybe that's because I spent to much time feeling sorry for myself...

The biggest thing I learned was to take each day for what it is. I think I've spent so much of my life thinking "I'll be happy when..." For instance, here are a few of the things on the end of that thought: when high school is over, when I become Miss Utah, when I'm NOT Miss Utah anymore, when I'm married, when I'm done with school, when we get pregnant, when the baby is born, when the baby sleeps through the night, when we get into dental school, when we get into an MFT program, when I have my eye surgery, when the next baby is born, when we have a bigger house, when, when, when, when.

Well, have you ever noticed that when all of those "whens" come true, you miss the befores? I don't think I'll ever miss looking like a, well, whatever I looked like, but I did decide that I couldn't spend a year of my life miserable every day and just waiting for the next surgery---especially when there was no guarantee of a better outcome. It's weird, but I completely lost hope for my eye to truly get better, and in losing that hope, in losing that "when" to hang on to, I found hope. Weird. I learned a huge life lesson. I really learned that life is not what happens to you; I learned that life is what you make of it. I learned that if I truly wanted to be happy that I had to take an active part in making myself happy. I can't rely on others or circumstances to produce happiness for me. This is not a new concept, just one I hadn't really actively followed.

As I said, I've never questioned God. I think it's because some pretty crazy (good and bad) things have happened to me in the past, and I'm grateful for each good and bad thing that has happened. I have learned and grown from every experience, and that is obviously God's plan for me. I don't know that I'll ever know why I had to experience this, but I do know that God's will plays a part in our daily lives. And honestly, if that's the only explanation I ever get, that it was "God's will," I think it will be good enough.