The Past

Forever ago I was obsessed with the TV show Lois & Clark: The new adventures of Superman (see that colon? maybe that's why I love colons). Obsessed is a mild word to describe how I liked it. And it wasn't just me. There were 4-5 friends of mine who were in on it. It started in 8th grade. I remember the exact moment at lunch where we realized that a bunch of us had seen and loved the previous night's episode. Anyway, I digress from my reason for writing. (But, notice the picture above, how it's autographed? I chose that one, because somewhere I have a similar autographed picture. I won 2nd place in an live online trivia contest once. First place got a signed script, I was totally bummed. But happy to have beaten out hundreds of people. BTW, is that pathetic?)

Anyway, a few nights ago Taylor and I were watching CSI Miami and wondering about a character on it. I looked her up on wikipedia, and saw that she had played Lana Lang on an episode of L&C. Of course we wanted to see what she looked like. Conveniently Taylor purchased a contraband set of the complete series on DVD for me for Christmas 2004. I had morning sickness at that time, so I didn't want to watch them (afraid they would always make me sick), so I lent them to my sister almost immediately and just got them back within the last year. I hadn't watched them (sad, I know!) at all. So we popped the episode in. MEMORIES! It was the one right before they were supposed to get married (only Lois was replaced by a frog-eating clone!) and watching it just made me happy. And sentimental.

Here's why I'm writing. Watching that episode (okay, and the four others I watched last night while Taylor was out of town and I was too scared/too into the episodes to go to sleep) made me remember exactly how it felt to be a teenager. The hormones, the hope, the relative ease with which I lived my life---even though I thought I was super stressed and busy and misunderstood.

Looking back, it was so easy then! I lived for me. I did what I wanted, when I wanted, and how I wanted. Now my life is dictated by my family. Which is fine. And how it should be. I just don't think I appreciated it back then.

We wanted to BE Lois Lane. Last night I watched Lois as a headstrong, confident woman of the early 90's and seriously wondered how much I subconsciously emulated her when my own confidence lacked as a young adult. To some degree I think her character shaped who I became.

We wanted desperately to have our own "Clarks." We used to play and replay the "romantic" scenes over and over again. To entertain ourselves during boring classes in junior high we'd send each other notes, writing down entire scenes from the show. We looked forward to the day we would be loved like that. And you know what? Watching the handful of episodes last night made me realize that I am loved like that. I got what I hoped for. He may not have super powers---but he can clean and helps out with the kids every second he can and does a great job with his church responsibilities. I look around and see a bunch of people our age who are finding that their marriage is not what they signed up for---but mine is---all that I hoped for back in 1994 and more.