How I really look one week later

If you look through my blog you'll quickly notice that there are no pictures of me. My "small" surgery in December that was suppose to come along with a long six week recovery. I agonized over how I would make it through. Then those six weeks became eleven weeks, and I cried for days. Eleven weeks passed, and then the doctors let me know that it would really be close to a year and multiple surgeries. I am now 9 1/2 months into that long year and two surgeries down. I have made a point to stay out of pictures as much as possible. However, to document the progress that has been made, and really just to show off my really cool bruise, I am going to post a picture of what has been done to me.

The pictures are kind of gross, so don't look if you're not prepared. I wanted to show the HUGE improvement that has been made even with how funny I do look right now. Hopefully everyone who donated to my surgery can feel like they've made a good decision. Once I get the new eye in October I'll definitely be sharing more (and hopefully better) pictures.

I want to preface it by saying that it really doesn't hurt anymore. Well, the pretend pretend eye that is jammed in there does hurt. It has some rough edges. Hopefully the swelling will be gone soon so that we can put a "realer" eye in there. I included a picture of me from Miss America. You can see that it wasn't perfect, but it looked pretty good. (I also chose one from Miss America because the whole "beauty pageant winner" thing seems a little ironic. And those earrings are always worth a second look---I love them!)

The next picture literally makes my stomach sick when I see it, but I'm okay to share it because I know I don't look like that anymore. It was taken on Easter, so four months after the first surgery. This is how I have looked since December. When you see it you'll see why I've been complaining so much (and why I've ignored so many of you in your requests to meet up with you for lunch/dinner when we're in town). Seeing it also really makes me irritated when I think of all the times people (I'm sure who meant well) say that they can't see the difference. Um, okay...

The next picture is how I look today. And I put makeup on one eye and did a little smile because I still have a small amount of self-respect. Though looking at it now I should have added some lipgloss:)

So here it is. Click on the picture and make it bigger to see the cool colors in my bruise.

You can see that the creases are a similar shape and that it is much less hollow. If the eye in there wasn't in that ridiculous position it would be fine. I really feel bad it's not closer to Halloween, I could win contests.

One day I'm going to blog on the emotional toll this has taken on me, and the lessons that we think we were meant to learn from all of it. But for now, at least it's getting better.

I will survive...

I made it through the surgery. I write this while I'm on heavy doses of percocet, so please excuse the mistakes that I'm sure will be abundant. My surgery started around 2:00 yesterday, and we made it home around 7 or so. I actually fee great. Both my side (from the fat transplant) and eye hurt, but are certainly manageable. The biggest problem was that sometime during the surgery something got into my left eye which is causing a significant amount of pain. Apparently they can't tape the non-operated eye closed during this surgery because they need to compare my eyes in a natural state for the fat fill. About 5 minutes into waking in recovery I noticed the stinging which got significantly worse as time passed. When I was pregnant with Claire I got herpes in my cornea along with blisters that would pop on the surface of the cornea. This pain was even worse than the herpes which is suppose to be the worst pain you can experience.

They gave me two doses of morphine and it made no difference. Taylor and my mom got the job of irrigating my eye for what seemed like an hour while nurses tried to reach my doctor who was still in surgery. We were a little worried about the fact that the pain wouldn't go away as it is my only seeing eye. Taylor's grandparents live about three blocks from the surgical center, so they stopped by. Grandpa came into the recover to assist in a blessing, though he had to wait several minutes. From the moment he sat down I started feeling progressively better. They gave me a blessing, and the pain lessened quite a bit. I'm so grateful for the priesthood and the power that it has. I'm also grateful for Grandpa, it certainly seems his prayers have a lot of persuasion power.

So, the pain in my seeing eye is subsiding and only comes in waves now. I did pretty well during the night, and now I'm just happily recovering and watching the Olympics---my favorite!