Beauty products I'm liking lately

Yesterday I posted on facebook about how much I like Walmart's Equate brand Eye Lifting Serum.

After reading a recommendation from my cousin I decided to buy it. Ten days into using it I found myself trying to get better light under my eyes in the mirror so I could cover up my dark circles---I couldn't find them! I realized, truly amazed, that they were mostly gone. I have never had noticeable results from an eye-care product. At $13 it is a steal compared to all of the other pricey creams on the market. I don't usually have puffiness under my eyes, but I'm pretty sure if I did that the bags would be gone too.

Another thing I'm liking is also Equate brand's Naturally Beaming moisturizer. 

It's the knock-off of Aveeno's Positively Radiant moisturizer that costs $15. I can't remember exactly what I paid for the Equate brand, but it was probably about $5. This is supposed to smooth, tone, and clarify. Probably it does that. The thing I like the best is that it has spf 15 in it. A ton of other products with spf in them have made me break out terribly---even my Mary Kay something or other made me break out. With this moisturizer I can put a bunch of it on, and my skin doesn't react at all. It works really well too, because I've been out a couple days already this year where my face was the only thing that didn't burn. My skin is soft all day, and it might have a more even tone, but I'm pregnant and that changes your skin, so I can't give a real great opinion on that right now.

I've mentioned it before, but I'm a big fan of Oxy Clinical:

I used their entire system early last year to clear up some bad (bad in my opinion, probably just-past-mild in the real world) acne I'd had for 3 years. It cleared up pretty quickly and has basically stayed away. I use the foaming face wash in the shower and it seems to keep break-outs away. Again, it could be the pregnancy, but who knows. I sure like this stuff though. Too bad the Walmart near me doesn't carry it anymore. I ordered it on Amazon last week.

About a year ago I switched my mascara. I have used Lancome Definicils since 2001, but after more than a decade I've found a new love in Mary Kay's Lash Love Mascara. 

I was hooked from the moment I first used it. It makes lashes thick, while not sticking together. It makes them long, while not being so long that you get that spider-leg look. It stays on all day, comes off easily, and doesn't flake. I'm super picky with eye stuff because of all my eye problems, so a switch from Lancome was a big deal for me. I've been through a few tubes and haven't paid full-price for one yet. At full price, it's $15. A bit much for makeup, but less than Lancome. Whenever a consultant has a sale on mascara I buy 2. Also, my prosthetic eye gets allergic reactions to stuff easily, and this hasn't bothered it at all. 

Lastly I'm liking L'Oreal's De-Crease Eye Shadow Base:

I'm on my third tube of this stuff. Now, the bad part is that the packaging has a serious flaw. The top unscrews and you use a little brush applicator. That stupid applicator can't reach all of the product in the bottle. I hate it when I can SEE the stuff in there and can't get it out. I may have resulted to using a Q-tip to dig around on Sunday mornings when I've suddenly run out of what the applicator can reach. And probably I do that on other mornings because I'm cheap. Anyway, despite that, I really like this stuff. I don't get creases in my shadow, and the shadow stays on all day unless I rub my eyes a lot (which happens with allergies). I know there are other products out there that do this, but what I like about this one is the color (others I've tried are clear). It's tinted just right to be the same color as eyelids, and my shadow goes on with a true color instead of an opaque color. More shadow sticks to it, so I feel like I'm using less because I'm going back to my compact less.

Oh, one more thing: I have a set of nice, real, professional brushes from Nu Skin (one of my fabulous gifts and prizes from winning Miss Utah). 

I'm still using them, and happy with them, and it's been 12 years. As luck would have it my dad's cousin is one of the big-wigs at Nu Skin, and he scored me an extra set of them. I keep them, still bubble-wrapped, waiting for the day that these current brushes are done. I take good care of them though, so I don't think I'll need the new brushes for a few more years. I love using real brushes instead of included applicators for my blush and shadow and powder. I think they are worth the investment, and I just feel so fancy using professional stuff. My favorite brush, by far, is the eyeliner brush. I use a powder for eyeliner instead of a pencil, and I love the soft look you get from powder---plus it has to be so much better for my eyelids than rubbing a pencil along them every day.

I need to make myself buy AND USE a night cream now. From recommendations on facebook, it looks like Olay's Regenerist Cream or the Equate knock-off is the way to go. In the past I've loved the night cream that has come to me in my Lancome gift, but that's probably more than $10. I'll be picking this up at my next (daily) Walmart trip:

Do you have any favorites to share with me?

Oh, and where were my kids when I was typing this? Super busy with a couple of these:

Grateful

Yesterday Kyle was cleaning up his bedroom. Claire and I were cleaning the bathroom right next to his room. He came into the bathroom with a huge red mark around his neck, barely able to talk. He reports that he was trying to clean his window. He either jumped from the sill onto his bed or from his bed to the floor (it's hard to get a 4-year-old to correctly provide a detailed story). Either way, somehow he ended up with the cord from his blinds around his neck. He has rope burns and a raspy voice to prove it.

When I hung the blinds I was aware of the safety issues surrounding the cords. I made sure that the strings weren't looped and that they weren't excessively long. I cut them so that they are less than a foot long when the blinds are down. Of course this means that they still extend beyond the sill when the blinds are fully raised---which for some reason his were yesterday. Although the cords are hanging individually, they still managed to become tangled and choke him. When I inspected the cords they were still tangled, so I guess he somehow managed to get free.

I don't think I was being negligent. He's half-way to being five years old. He certainly spends some time every day without my supervision---especially if he's in his room playing where I thought there was nothing that could harm him.

I definitely had tears in my eyes when he told me what happened. And my heart broke this morning when I saw the real damage it caused. I'm very aware that this story could have ended very differently. I am so grateful that he has a couple (maybe a couple dozen) guardian angels watching out for him.

I was looking online this morning to solutions to the cord problem. Even if the cords remain untangled and hanging individually, apparently kids tend to twirl in them and get them wrapped around their throats. Most sites recommend using a cleat to wrap the cord around when the blinds are raised, like so:

Honestly when I saw that I thought, "What a pain to have to wrap the cord around that EVERY time I put the blinds up." Plus, I doubt it's very possible to teach Kyle first NOT to put his blinds up, or if he does to make sure to properly wrap it up. And then it also looks like a great hook to catch an eye on (I worry about these things). But I think I'll pick up a couple because it's better than nothing. We use cleats for our Roman shades downstairs (they wouldn't stay up otherwise), and it's not really a big deal. (By the way, I just learned the official name "cleat" today.)

Anyway, I thought it was worth writing about to make sure other people realized that there is a danger there even with the "safe" individual cords. I'd love to hear if anyone else has better suggestions on how to solve the danger.

We'll definitely have this experience on our grateful list for a long time.

Change

I don’t love change. I think a huge part of my resistance is that I’m a very sentimental. Don’t believe me? I’ll give you a tour of my garage and my boxes (and boxes) of sentiments.

This past weekend was General Conference for the LDS Church. Basically, we get a break from our regular Sunday meetings and watch our leaders speak from Salt Lake City. In Utah we are lucky enough to have it on our local NBC station. Members throughout the world watch it over the internet and in their meetinghouses where it is broadcast via satellite. How lucky are we in Utah that we get to watch church on TV in our pajamas? On Saturday and Sunday we watch two two-hour sessions of church each day. The men over age 12 get to (have to) watch 5 sessions. It’s lots of church crammed into a weekend twice a year, but it’s absolutely my time of the year.

Yesterday they changed the General Relief Society Presidency. The Relief Society is the women’s organization within the church. I’ve been going to Relief Society for going on 13 years now, which means I’ve attended under 3, now 4, General Presidents. It seems like the change happens without much ado, with just a little excitement over whoever is called to replace the outgoing president. But today as Sister Beck gave her last General Conference talk I was a little emotional---which is unusual for me, and I can blame it on my pregnancy hormones entirely.

But I have loved Sister Beck.While I genuinely felt a part of and a full-member of Relief Society before I had children, it has meant so much more to me since I became a mother (or maybe it was just that I grew up?) Sister Beck was called a couple years after Claire was born, and I still remember one of her first General Conference addresses called Mothers Who Know. While it became a little controversial within the church (“What?!” some women cried. “You say we should HAVE children? You even suggest more than one!? You say should be ‘cooking, washing clothes and dishes, and keeping an orderly home’? You say I should have my children clean and presentable at church? WITH their hair brushed?” CRAZY ideas, right?). That talk was perfect for me as I was beginning my years as a mother and homemaker. It is one that I should refer to more often.  Am I always perfect at the things she listed? Absolutely not. Is it an ideal I would love to achieve? Absolutely. I think we're all working toward that. Some people expected her to retract or clarify her message. She didn’t; and over the years she has continued to call upon women of the church to do more and be more. I like her more for it. I like her boldness and directness.  I like that she said what needed to be said and didn’t tip-toe around it.

I became a part of my ward relief society presidency last year at this time. Seeing Relief Society from the leadership side has certainly given me a better understanding of  and appreciation for the organization. We, as a presidency, were kind of attached to Sister Beck. As she gave her final address today I may have shed a couple tears. I appreciated that she was also emotional. What a happy day for her to have completed her very stressful and time-consuming assignment, but it must be sad to let go of something you would love so much.

In the same breath, it is fun to get to know and love someone else, and it will be fun to get to know the new presidency and to learn from them. In general, wasn’t Conference wonderful? I can’t wait to get the Ensign magazine in May and to read it cover to cover (I actually do read all of it! I read it while I eat breakfast every day. It takes a while, and the magazine always gets some milk-damage, but I usually get through it before the next sessions roll around. It’s a great beginning to every day. I don’t do a lot of things I should, but that’s one good habit that I treasure.)

Oh Babies!

Claire – 3 days old

Kyle – 2 days old
My sister, Suzy, is set to have her first baby tomorrow morning. A boy! My first nephew on the Hunt side---and my brother’s wife is due with another little guy in June. I can’t wait! I was talking with Kyle about Suzy’s baby tonight. He wondered what its name would be. I told him they still weren’t sure. He said that he might not like the name they choose, but, “I guess that’s okay because it is their baby, and they get to choose.” As we’ve turned down his many made-up name suggestions for our baby, he’s starting to realize some things!

As she’s having her first, I can’t help but think back to expecting Claire. I was barely 24. Naïve, scared, excited, and had no idea what I was getting myself into. I had planned and wished and waited and timed things for a year before getting pregnant with Claire, so a year and 9 months had passed since I was bitten by that baby bug. Suzy got a bit of a surprise with this little guy, so we’re a little different in that aspect, but I doubt I was any better prepared---how can anyone really be prepared for your heart to suddenly go walking around outside your body for the rest of your life?

It’s also been funny to compare how I felt back then with how I feel being pregnant now. One thing that is nice is that this baby is due within days of when Claire was; so I know that I’ll be almost recovered from morning sickness by my birthday, that there is no way I can sit through the rodeo in June while 7 months pregnant, and that there will be just enough of summer left over for some good stroller walks before autumn becomes too cold for a newborn.

Yet it’s so very different. When I was 23 and wanted a baby I wanted what I read about, what I saw around me, and what everyone else had: a baby. I couldn’t know to want anything else. This time around, two kids and 7 years later, I want another child of my own. I want to do what God wants me to do, and if that’s means having another baby, that’s what I’m doing. I always say that the scary thing about having your first baby is not knowing what you’re getting into---the scariest thing about having another baby IS knowing what you’re getting into! Today at the park I giggled at the moms chasing toddlers and changing diapers. Kind of giggling at them and at me, because that stuff is really hard---and for some reason I’m going stepping back into that soon!

I’ve started to show lately. I haven’t felt the baby move for sure yet (I felt Claire and 17 and Kyle at 14 weeks, so this is new to wait this long). But my tummy is certainly changing shape, and as of last night normal jeans are hurting me. It feels different to be showing now. I was so thrilled with Claire, but this just feels different. More private, maybe? Maybe it’s because of all the loss we experienced in trying to get this baby. Showing is kind of an announcement that we’re committed and have our hopes up.

On Tuesday we’ll have another peek at this little one. With any luck we’ll get a look at it’s gender. It will be fun to see what we get. We have absolutely no preference as we already have one of each, and we like both of them pretty much    It would be fun to round out the year with three little boy cousins born to our family, but wouldn’t a little girl look so cute in pictures surrounded by her little boy cousins? Either way will be great. But I really can’t wait until tomorrow when we get a chance to hold (and smell!) this cute new little baby cousin!  (Did you notice that I wrote "little" about a hundred times this post?)

Sticks and Stones

A lot has been in the media lately about Whitney Houston and Stacy Francis. I’ve given their “fight” or whatever you call it a lot of thought since Whitney passed away. The thing that keeps coming to mind is that Stacy Francis is a NOBODY, and yet Whitney allowed whatever was said to really bug her. It would seem like Whitney should have brushed her aside, ignoring whatever this random lady (who is at about the 13.5 mark in her 15 minutes of fame) had to say. Yet she didn’t. We don’t know if the fight actually is what finally drove her over the edge, or really what happened in that hotel room at all, but one thing is for sure: Stacy Francis got to her.

I’ve come to two conclusions about this. First of all: Words can hurt. It doesn’t matter if it comes from friend or foe or stranger, words can hurt. Whitney Houston had every right to be super secure and superior feeling when compared to Stacy Francis, yet for whatever reason, she cared about what Stacy had to say and do. She should have brushed her off, laughed even. But it sounds like she took her pretty seriously---after all, everyone wants to be liked by everyone.

Going along with this, we always need to consider who is doing the talking when we are offended. Someone who is jealous of you or who feels that they must compete against you will not always have the truest advice or best of intentions with whatever communication they have with you. I saw this a few times in pageants, only a few times though.  (I have to qualify this by saying that 98% of my interactions with other pageant girls were extremely positive. Those 2% just really stand out!) Right before I went on stage to win my second local title, another contestant made a statement to me (definitely not in question tone), “This is probably your last pageant, huh?” I also heard her asking another girl if she could borrow her swimsuit to wear at Miss Utah the next year----implying that obviously that contestant wouldn’t be making a return trip. I was the (admittedly surprising) winner that night, and the swimsuit owner finished well ahead of the competitive girl. Isn’t it funny how people act when they feel inferior? Some will be super kind, some will be super rude. And even when we know their intentions, even when we know they are acting badly out of inferiority, whatever is said stays with us and hurts long past the day of the conversation.

Secondly, we need to watch what we say. One quote I’ve liked lately (that I’m sure I saw on Pinterest) was the idea that we shouldn’t judge someone in a situation we’ve never been in. I bite my tongue (or in effect, hold back my hands when viewing social media) a lot, and could do it a lot more I’m sure. So often I want to comment on Facebook “You’re wasting your life and you know it.” Or in real life I have so many great solutions to so many people’s parenting skills, obviously flawed financial skills, and so many other things. Yet my friends don’t want my unsolicited advice, and neither do I want their advice (But don’t you wish there was a way to get advice on your life from others and not get offended?) I think especially when messages are delivered electronically we feel less inhibited and say things we’d never say to someone’s face.

Sometimes even when we think we’re being helpful it’s hurtful---like the other day when my 4-year-old son (fortunately) told me of his plans to suggest exercise as a means of weight loss to a friend of ours. Certainly he had the best of intentions, he knows that it’s healthy to exercise and to be thinner, but no matter how he planned on saying it (even as a 4-year-old) the message would hurt.

Certainly Stacy Francis didn’t know that Whitney was teetering on the edge (if indeed she was). I’m sure had she known she would have done everything possible to build Whitney up and encourage her and only be positive in every interaction. In any situation we just don’t know the whole story, and kindness is always the best policy.

I’m not writing this to say I’m great at either of these things. I am not great at letting hurtful words bounce off me---I’m one to glue them to me and review them and review them until I’m sick about it. I am not great at not saying hurtful words---sometimes it seems they just flow right out of my mouth without checking with my brain first (but trust me, I also glue those to me and review them until I’m sick about them too!) Our interactions with others are something for all of us to consider. It was just so shocking to me that THE WHITNEY HOUSTON would care about what Little Stacy Francis had to say, that I really have thought a lot about it.

I love Whitney’s music. They played “I’ll Always Love You” when I danced with my 6th grade crush at the valentine’s dance that year. I recorded the song onto a tape (yes, a tape) over and over again and listened to it every night for the rest of the school year. Later my sister and I learned to play a fancy duet of “One Moment in Time,” and it became an anthem for a lot of my life’s moments. This is a good reminder that fame and infamy are different things, and Whitney will always be famous while Stacy Francis (who might actually be a really nice person) will be infamous for only this fight and a small mascara-smeared run on the X-factor. While most of us won’t be publically famous in any regard, we do stand the chance of being famous---for good things---in the lives of those around us.

That was rough

Baby at 11 Weeks

I don’t really want to use this as a forum to complain about morning sickness. I know a lot of people who would love to have a baby and can’t for whatever reason. They would be happy to endure months of nausea for a baby. I am happy to endure months of nausea for a baby. But boy it was a rough couple months.

I found out I was pregnant on December 11. I started to get nauseous the week of Christmas. The vomiting started before New Years. This is typical for me with pregnancy. With both Kyle and Claire I was sick until about 20-22 weeks. It was worse with Claire where I got so sick I was on IV’s. My doctor gave me Zofran the first week in January. It kind of helped, at least I was worse if I didn’t take it, but even with the meds it was bad. There were days that I could do nothing more than breathe. I had brief respites in the mornings where I could eat breakfast, do Claire’s hair, and help her practice the piano. But as soon as she was off to school it was back and got progressively worse throughout the day. For two months I sat in a chair or in bed. That was about it. I learned what I could eat, and only ate small amounts. I lost 4 or 5 pounds. The Zofran stopped a lot of the spontaneous vomiting that I had while pregnant with Claire, but most evenings were spent with my head in the toilet. Kyle got the flu during the peak of my sickness. I threw up when he threw up all day. Then when he got better he couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t better. But his small bout with the flu gave him great sympathy. He often rubs my arm and whispers “Poor Mommy” over and over.

That was all of January and all of February. I don’t really remember much from those months. Taylor’s mom was great to bring dinner and help the kids clean their rooms and bathroom and other chores in the house. Taylor was pretty good to step up and do the laundry and dishes when needed. The interesting part of our day was from about 12-1:30 pm. I had to take progesterone to prevent miscarriage. After I took it I had to lay down for an hour or so---without getting up. That meant the kids had free-reign of the house. Some days were good. Some days were really bad! Their unsupervised messes did not help in our household upkeep. I happily finished that medicine at week 12, but I really miss that nap every day!

Last week I was 15 weeks and started to feel hopeful. At 16 weeks now I’m having moments of being fine. Nights are still hard though, as well as a couple hours after lunch and dinner. But I think I might make it, folks! I’ve had two major realizations through all of this. First, I used to think I did NOTHING around the house. Then when I actually did ABSOLTELY NOTHING around the house and saw it pile up around me, I realized that I actually do quite a bit. It made me a little proud of myself. My second realization is that it really was that bad. While I sat in my chair and watched my family move around me, I kept wondering if I was just being a wimp and should have been able to do more. I wasn’t. Now that I’m still sick, but able to function more, I have realized that I was really that bad. And I don’t feel so bad for neglecting everything for a while. I still can’t eat meat (90% of the time when I try it I regret it), and I am SO TIRED---so much more than I remember ever being with the other two. Maybe it’s because I’m no longer a spring chicken though.

Anyways, that explains my absence from blogging and from life in general. Baby is due mid to late-August. Claire is holding out to have a three-way birthday on the 24th, a birthday she already shares with her dad. She is hoping for a sister. Kyle is hoping for a brother, but he sees “all that blonde hair” in the ultrasound as is certain it’s a girl because of that. It’s good to know he won’t be disappointed either way. Taylor and I have absolutely no preference. Our next ultrasound is March 27th. Hopefully the baby will cooperate then!

Welcome, 2012!

I don't know that anyone has ever been happier to welcome the new year than I am today. Actually, I think a whole lot of people were happy to say goodbye to 2011. No need to rehash it in this post (I think I mention the crappy year we had in every other post), but 2011 was kind of a bad year for us. Certainly there were many good things, but there were some overwhelmingly hard things too. We are so happy for 2012 to be here, that had I thought of it before just now, I would have created a banner for my porch to welcome the new year. This will have to do:

Welcome, 2012!

Taylor and I actually went to sleep before midnight last night. I've done that once before in my entire life---ironically, it was on our honeymoon 9 years ago. We were in California, and on the morning of the 31st I woke up with a nasty cold/flu and spent the day chugging Dayquil. Then over dinner we had our first-ever (and last-ever) encounter with alcohol (remember, Mormons don't drink) when we were accidentally served a half-coke, half-something. We drank the whole thing, with each sip trying to figure out what the questionable "half" was (it was supposed to be half-coke half-diet coke). Rootbeer? Orange soda? Dr. Pepper? We realized days later that it must have been rum. Anyway, there I was on my honeymoon, sick as a dog and accidentally buzzed; I went to bed around 10:00. Taylor watched the Times Square celebration on TV. He woke me up at midnight to wish me a happy new year. I glared at him, threatened "Touch me again and I'll throw up on you," and went back to sleep.

Every other year of my life we've celebrated in Lehi at my grandmother's house. At the stroke of midnight she'd hand us pots and pans and spoons, and we'd parade up and down her street annoying the neighbors. Some years we'd do fireworks. Last year in 2010 we were at a concert and got to Lehi at about ten to midnight. Grandma was exhausted and in a lot of pain from an injured spine and had already gone to bed. I was devastated that we missed her. I had found out that I was pregnant the day after Christmas, and as the (recorded from an earlier broadcast) New Year's ball dropped at Times Square I began to cramp and miscarry. Worst new year celebration ever. Grandma died less than two months later. How odd it was last night to ring in a new year without Grandma. I think that's why I was okay with going to bed last night without even watching a second of the Times Square broadcast. You can be certain I woke up with a smile on my face this morning. Welcome, 2012!

Gratitude

This the season to post about gratitude. I may be a couple days later than the main event, but I was busy eating and shopping and sleeping (in that order).

I am always grateful for my family. But lately I've relished in that gratitude a little more than usual. On Wednesday my OB called with the results from 4 of almost a dozen blood tests I've had taken during the last week. Only 4 had come in, but they were all abnormal. We don't have all the results from all the tests yet, but three of the four received on Wednesday indicated problems. In fact, every one of the three abnormal results could individually end a pregnancy. Instead of one minor problem, like I was hoping to have, I have three possible problems. And we still have more than a handful of tests which we are waiting to hear about. All in all, it seems that the two children I already have are miracles. Certainly each child is a miracle, but apparently mine are more-so. It was tough news to hear, but we remain optimistically hopeful that things will turn out. I am so grateful for the healthy, wonderful children I do have.

I am also very grateful for my husband. Taylor was nearly perfect when I married him, but time seems to only make him better. My calling in the church has allowed me access to the life-stories and hearts of people who have experienced some very hard and trying times in their marriages. Maybe Taylor and I get along because we're extremely compatible, or because we're both non-combative, or even maybe it's because Taylor is a marriage therapist---whatever the reason, I am grateful. It means the world to me to know that regardless of  what happens all around us, whatever trial we are called to face, he is there by my side. I have been blessed to have a faithful, loving, caring, thoughtful, and hard-working husband who is committed to me and to my children. He has worked so hard and made a lot of sacrifices so that I can stay home to be with our kids. It hasn't been easy (for both of us!), but we are certain it is for the best. I have a husband who is as perfect as they come, and I consider him my greatest blessing. I chose so very well when I insisted that he marry me :)

Taylor and I are also very fortunate to have wonderful parents and grandparents and siblings. As far back as we know, our progenitors were honest, good, and faithful people. They have provided us with remarkable examples of loyalty to family and of service to God and country. We and our siblings are blessed to follow in that tradition. I know few people are able to find the love, decency, stability, safety, and home that we are able to feel from all of our parents and grandparents.

I'm so excited for the Christmas season, and for the chance we'll have to be with family even more and to make so many wonderful memories.

17 Day Diet - My review

A lot of people have asked me about the diet I have been doing, so I thought that I'd post about it. My friend Alison mentioned that she was looking into this diet, the 17 Day Diet and had the book. She said that the husband of  a friend of ours had done it an lost a significant amount of weight in a short period of time. This intrigued me. I borrowed her book and thought it was worth trying. I went to the store and bought enough food to get me through five days and figured I'd go for it on a trial basis. I did make one minor adjustment: the diet wants you to drink green tea with every meal. I am a member of the LDS Church, and we follow the word of wisdom which prohibits the drinking of coffee and tea (and a few other things).  So I did a little online research. I made sure the green tea was against the Word of Wisdom. It is. But herbal tea is not, fyi.

A little more research presented me with Sassy Water.  I used that as my alternative to green tea. And I added prayer. I figured that it couldn't hurt to ask (and subsequently thank) God to help me in my diet. And with that I was off.

I started on October 25th. The first three days were pretty hard. Probably because of Halloween. Did I mention I gave up Diet Coke at the same time? So I went from a coke- and sugar-loaded diet to sassy water, salad and protein COLD TURKEY. The Coke withdrawal was practically unnoticed, but I did crave chocolate like crazy. (Maybe it's because I started the day after my son's birthday, and his chocolate birthday cake was glaring at me ALL week until I threw it out.)

After three days I was totally in to it. I lost pounds immediately. POUNDS. In the first week I lost five pounds. I could not believe how much less squishy my stomach area was. I don't know how much of that was because I gave up carbonation, but I loved it.

At 14 days I was down 8 pounds. At 17 I had lost 10.5 pounds. When I finished 17 I just decided to stay on cycle 1 (I'll  explain that in a second). As of Saturday, day 26, I've lost 12.5 pounds. Keep in mind though, I thought I was pregnant all last week. I tried to keep up the salad and veggies and yogurt, but I did enjoy quite a few carbs. And two ice cream sandwiches :) I'm back to committed tomorrow.

I love this diet. It's the first thing that I have EVER been able to commit to. EVER. There are two things I love about it:

• 1. 17 days. I love that there is a time limit to it. Whenever I've set out to lose weight in the past it was always about a number---pounds lost---and that seemed like it would take an indefinite amount of days which translates to dieting forever. For me it really worked to know that it wouldn't be forever, just 17 days. After 17 days the book offers another cycle, with more food options. There are four total cycles, each of them are 17 days.

• 2. I love the daily menu and recipes. In the past it's been hard for me because I try to cut back on portion size, but then I always feel deprived. If I try to "eat healthy" I just don't know where to start, and I usually quit before I begin. This book tells you what to eat for ever meal, and it includes the recipes when needed. And it's NORMAL food. GOOD food. I haven't felt deprived (unless you count how sad I am about chocolate and cookie dough).

I love that I lose a little bit of weight every day. It's like magic when I weight myself in the morning and see a lower number. I've had a few days where I've gained a bit, but I lose that and more by the next day. I have noticed a difference in how I feel. I really think I have more energy and more motivation. For a couple weeks I thought I fatigued more easily, but I'm sure that's because I was pregnant.

My favorite recipes are the chicken vegetable soup, the lettuce wraps,  and I mix dry ranch mix into  yogurt cheese (try it before you say it sounds gross). I did veggies into the dip, and thin it out with milk to use as a salad dressing. (To make yogurt cheese, apparently you just cover a strainer with a paper towel and put non-fat plain yogurt into it. Cover the yogurt and put the strainer in a bowl. Put the whole thing in the fridge overnight and use what's left in the strainer)

I'm not about to put up a before and after picture. And I'm not counting on meeting my entire weight loss goal until after the holidays (I do plan on eating holiday food occasionally). But I am thrilled to fit into a number of my old jeans and skirts. I feel a lot better, and I'm very rarely hungry. Two thumbs up (and 12 pounds down!) on this diet for me.

Fertility--again

I had another miscarriage today. That's 3 this year and 6 total, if you're counting (I am). Sometimes people don't write or talk about these things. Some people don't tell even family members they have miscarried or even that they are pregnant until they are showing so much that it's become obvious to anyone. I don't know why that is. Tradition, I guess. In fact, on a lot of online pregnancy sites that follow a pregnancy week by week, they assign you a certain week (usually in the 2nd trimester) during which "you can start telling people that you are pregnant." Pregnancy loss and even infertility seem to continue to be taboo in our modern society. I understand that we shouldn't ask questions about when people will become or if people are pregnant, but it's strange that no one talks about it from a personal perspective.

We're almost 18 months into trying to add to our family. It hasn't been easy to get pregnant, it hasn't been easy to stay pregnant. I've talked about it (a lot, maybe too much) within my circle of friends from the beginning, and very recently with extended family members (whom I've seen a lot more lately because of the deaths of our grandparents). The surprising thing that I've heard from a lot of them is "Me too."

Why do we do this? Why do we keep heartache to ourselves? I understand that it's a private thing, but sharing can also be beneficial to everyone. Finding out what worked for my blood relatives may very easily help me. And even if it doesn't help, it's nice to know that I'm not alone. We share failures and tips for cooking, child-raising, and crafting, so it's funny that we keep this to ourselves. Again, I know it's a deeply personal thing, but I've been so surprised time and time again to hear how much people have struggled with fertility issues, and I never even knew.

Anyway, I'm going to share, because I know it helps me to know that other people are going through the same thing, and maybe it will help someone to read this. Skip it if you want.

I saw an OB this morning. It was shocking to me that they wanted me to come in. Every other time I've had a miscarriage the nurse has just said, "There's nothing you can do. Lie down if you want, but we can't stop it. It's not worth coming in." He saw us immediately after we got there, and after explaining my situation and that this was the 6th loss I've had, each time within ten days of getting a positive pregnancy test, he agreed that I have a problem. I've spoken to a number of doctors about this, and he was the very first one to affirm my belief that something is wrong. Every other doctor and nurse has given me the speech about how "these things happen...it's good that our bodies reject pregnancies that aren't perfect." He did an ultrasound even though there was nothing to see as I'm not even 5 weeks. He took almost 10 vials of blood to test and will take more on Monday. He said his initial guess is that I have a clotting disorder, but he'll call me Wednesday with the results. He was super nice and told me he'd make sure I knew before Thanksgiving so that I'd have answers before seeing everyone for the holiday. He seemed positive that we could find and fix the problem, and made sure we knew that we weren't technically "infertile" because I get pregnant, it's just likely a health problem preventing me from staying pregnant. It's kind of a relief, but makes me nervous to see what they find.

This year has obviously been a hard year for us. We lost a baby in January, grandma and grandpa in February, another grandpa in April, another baby in May, another grandpa in October, and now this. But we are learning a lot too. Our pain and loss has given us cause for some deep soul-searching and faith-finding. Our perspective of life and our priorities have slowly shifted and become more eternally focused. We have hopefully become more grateful, more empathetic, more compassionate, and more humble. Easy? No. Worth it? Painfully so, but Yes.

I find my mind constantly going to the quote I've seen on Pinterest lately that says, "Faith in God includes faith in His timing." I've been a huge proponent of this theory, especially when it comes to the timing of the birth of my other children, but it's hard to apply while in the situation of waiting for more children. But I'm choosing to believe in His timing. At our Regional Conference a few weeks ago Elder Jensen said something like, "We need to weigh out the reasons to believe and the reasons not to believe, then we need to choose to believe. If we do that the Holy Ghost can confirm the belief in our hearts." I'm choosing to believe because I want to believe, and because I'm clinging to that belief with all the hope I have.

In the meantime I've also learned to enjoy my kids even more. Sometimes as we go places or do things; and especially during the long, hot, fun- and roller-coaster-filled days at Lagoon during the summer and fall; I've felt the spirit whispering to me that these moments of pure joy wouldn't be happening in the exact same way if I were pregnant or if we had a newborn. I've been able to enjoy the freedom and fun of having a four- and six-year-old without having to pay attention to a baby. We are nap and diaper free. My kids feed themselves. They put their own pajamas on. They usually sleep through the night. Kyle gets me all to himself while Claire is at school. There are a lot of good things in my life right now without a baby. But still we hope.