Before my next 30 years...

I turn 29 on Friday. This is good. I have realized for quite a while that age is really only experience gained. I'm excited to have 30 years of experience. I'm looking at 30 as a milestone rather than a gravestone.Here I am yesterday. Claire took a picture of us after stake conference. Not too shabby!

I'm thinking I should have a list of things to do/accomplish/be before I hit that milestone. I set no new year's resolutions this year. And last year my only resolution was to remember to put on deodorant before I put on lotion after showering so that it wouldn't be so hard/impossible to take the lid off of the deodorant. This was seriously my only resolution. It was a tough year :) And I'm happy to report that I am now 85-87% successful at remembering that.

Anyhow, the list of things to do/accomplish/be before this time next year:

1. Paint my bedroom walls.

2. Improve upon my housemaking skills

3. Quilt, bind, and hang my wallhanging that I love so much

4. Establish a daily routine/schedule. This involves getting out of bed earlier.

5. Become pregnant (to have a baby before my next birthday I need to conceive by or on July 7, and that's not going to happen, thus the goal to become pregnant.)

6. Be more physically fit (while this is kind of messed up to put after goal #5, I think it's okay to list. I'm getting a bike for my birthday, so hopefully that can contribute)

7. Quit texting while driving (I think this should be a process, it's too hard to go cold turkey)

8. Begin writing seriously and consistently

9. Finish and print my wedding album

10. Teach piano lessons again, and devote some time weekly to enjoying my talent

11. Become a coupon-using grocery shopper

12. Recharge my love-affair with the scriptures

13. Index 1000 names each month

14. Sew a bag/purse for myself

15. Do a kind thing every day

16. Play with my kids more

17. Read to my kids more

18. Blog with pictures more (did you notice the picture at the top? I know...I'm pretty good at this list already!)

19. Appreciate the sunset more often

20. Get back to cooking from a monthly menu

21. Actively strengthen friendships

22. Talk to my sister more

23. Finish my quiet book project that began like three years ago (BRITTEN!)

24. Tell my husband I appreciate him more

25. Find one way to be more "green"

26. Potty train Kyle

27. Actually plan family night lessons instead of having impromptu lessons

28. Play the piano in church

29. Actually try some of the crafts/food/sewing projects I bookmark

30. Plan the party for next year---convince Lee (my cousin who was born 3 days before me) that we should repeat our 15th birthday party in some way with all our old friends

So that's it, friends. With luck I'll keep you updated (if there is no update, there is no progress, so don't ask!)

And you've still got until Friday to get my presents, so let's get shopping!

Now and then

Taylor works in Logan once a week. He was there yesterday. The kids wanted to go to a park, but we are yet to find one here where I don't have to constantly follow Kyle around. It made me think about the Zoo Park in Logan where there was a good playset for the little ones. Since Taylor was already there we decided to make a spontaneous trip up for a picnic in the park.

I've only been back once since we left in August, and that was for graduation in December so it's been a while. It's no secret that I didn't love Logan. It's not Logan's fault. In fact I think I'm the only person who has ever lived there who didn't love it and wanted to leave. It's lovely. It's slow-paced. We lived across the street from horses. The mountains were moments away. We could see the temple from our bedroom window. And yet, I did a happy dance (literally) when we moved.

As we drove around yesterday I couldn't help but think that things were exactly as we'd left them, only very different. It was strange to see things without the weight of the world on my shoulders. Rewind 2.5 years, and you'll remember that we moved to Logan 6 weeks before Kyle was born. Taylor commuted for the first semester to West Valley every day and went to school full-time. I was alone with Claire and very pregnant. We had Kyle, Taylor quit his job (and thus we lost insurance benefits and a salary), I had my eye removed, I had no friends, and then things got worse with my eye. That was all in the first 6 months we lived there. Logan and I got off to a rocky start. We were poor; I was disfigured; I had two tiny babies; Taylor was at school/work all day; and I was very alone. It was my hardest, most painful two years yet.

Yesterday at the park I thought how different it felt there to be light and free. To not have endless worries. It was wonderful. Our life is so much more stable now. We have a home, income, and my face is almost back to acceptable. We drove past our little townhouse. The flowers Claire and I grew from a seed were starting to come back to life. It was as if I could close my eyes and walk inside. My mind flashed to bringing Kyle home from the hospital and walking in that door. We parked in the back to see the yard where we spent so much time. Aside from our swingset missing, everything was much the same---down to our old broken yellow hose still coiled by the back door. This is where Claire and Kyle were small. For those moments I will always be grateful. For long afternoons spent reading and watching Claire play on the swingset. For all of the barbecues and evening spent with our family eating outdoors followed by Frisbee until bedtime, I will be grateful. Those moments are in my heart and in my scrapbook.

And for the weight of the world that was so heavy on me while I was there; I left it there. Consciously but not effortlessly. I think I will continue to visit occasionally, to look back on who I was and how far we've come.

My eye surgery

I just realized I neglected to write about my latest (and last!) eye surgery. It was on the 23rd, and I've mostly recovered. There's still a little swelling, but it already looks a lot better. This one was to adjust the contour of my upper eyelid to match the other. They also wanted to eliminate the amount of skin touching the eye as my constant itching is caused by any contact my eyelid has with the prosthetic.

The doctor was fine doing the surgery without anesthesia, and I am fine not paying for anesthesia, so it was another fun time holding Taylor's hand while I was conscious and under the knife. They did give me a little anti-anxiety medication which probably saved me. They started with three or four shots to numb the area all around the inside corner of my eye. Those suckers hurt. Taylor said they really bled. At one point after one I felt hot blood running down my cheek, and I wasn't sure how I'd handle the rest. Next they covered my face in iodine. Taylor snapped this lovely picture (I thought I ought to wear lipstick if I couldn't have anything else on my face): Then they cut my eyelid open. They have a machine that will cut and cauterize at the same time. It smells awful. Taylor says it smoked---well, not it, but I smoked. Yuck. That part took a while. It didn't hurt, just was freaky to know what was happening. Next they had to find all the places they wanted to work on so there was some digging around. They ran into some scar tissue from previous surgeries. They scraped at that. I could hear it scraping and feel the pressure. That wasn't fun. Then they had to attach muscles in new places to ligaments or tendons which wouldn't numb very well, so that was really hard. Especially when I could hear the doctor saying "Pass the needle" and "Do you have a flesh hook handy?" Flesh hook. Taylor said it was like a fish hook, hook and all. They did this at three different spots. Four or five times I had to sit up and open my eyes so they could see how the adjusting was going. That was unpleasant to have to use muscles that were mid-surgery. Toward the end the numbing stuff was wearing off so I got one more shot and they stitched it up. That was quite painful too.

As I rested and recovered that evening at my parent's house my thoughts turned to Joseph Smith. I was 28-years-old and had to have surgery while awake. But I had the valium-like drug to start out with, numbing shots for the middle, and incredible pain-killers to end it all, along with the modern comforts of home. He was seven and had no drugs before and refused alcohol. I was okay for about 40 minutes, but towards the end it took some serious, serious self-control to remain calm and hold still. I'm sure his surgery was longer than mine. Not to mention the extreme age difference and absence of modern everything.

Throughout his life he endured all kinds of physical pain. I am in awe of his life and devotion to the gospel and its teachings. I am sure that his prophetic training began years before he knelt in the grove. I only hope that the trials I experience can, in some way, strengthen my love of the gospel and my dependence on my Heavenly Father.

Conference

Don't you love general conference? It's my favorite semi-annual time of year. This year was exceptional both in content and in my ability to hear most of the talks. My kids were excellent on Saturday. They even sat on our laps for the first hour of the first session. Then they quietly colored through the rest. Claire is learning who is who, and Kyle makes sure we all fold our arms for the prayers.

I loved all that was said about motherhood and mothering. It was just what I needed to hear. I've already re-listened to each of the mother talks, and can't wait to get my Ensign to mark up. I had a little moment of epiphany early on in the conference. Someone mentioned the prodigal son. That parable has always bugged me because it seems that the "good" son, the one who was always there doing the right thing all along is kind of ignored, and that the reward is the same for both in the end. I realized this weekend that the greatest blessing for the faithful son was his constant nearness to his father. While the prodigal strayed, the faithful son was never far from the father nor far from the blessings of being near the father; thus the faithful son not only received half of the father's estate, he received the blessings of constantly being in the father's presence throughout his life.

If I were to put us in one category, I'd like to say we've always been faithful--and maybe that's why the parable may have bugged me. This realization during conference helped me realize that though we have often felt quite tested by our trials, we have always be supported by and loved by our Heavenly Father. As long as we have remained faithful we have been blessed. And right now our cup overflows. We were saying the other day that we are now "living the dream" we've always dreamed. We cannot believe how we have been blessed lately, especially for how we have struggled in the past. We are so grateful and hope that we continue to live faithful.

Oh! And we got a tiny kitty for Easter! He/She (it's debatable) is a tiny ball of fur. It's so funny to him run around the house at about 60% fur. It's wonderful to see Claire so in love and happy with the kitty, and Kyle is learning to be gentle (hopefully learning soon!). Pictures to come :)

Our friend Horse (His wife calls him Justin) has been hard at work in our backyard two days this weeks. He's doing the kind of labor that is paid with free food and the satisfaction of a hard day's work. Taylor worked too. He got a back rub. And he paid for the food.

Here is the backyard after Horse pushed all the dirt back with his fancy machine. Our backyard is about 1.5 feet down from our neighbors (way to plan it, builders) so we had a slight hill to deal with. We decided on a rock retaining wall. We got the rocks from a place where someone forgot to put up a no trespassing sign in North Ogden.

Here it is as it is now. I'm going to put a garden and other growing things in the area behind the wall. I've got about 8 feet to work with. I'm excited.
And when I uploaded the pictures I found this beauty. Apparently Claire took her own picture. Apparently she had eaten cinnamon or some other strange thing she's allergic to. And yes I just ended that sentence with a preposition. Is that something you have a problem with? Here's the picture I wrote about:

I WANT ORANGE!

Claire is obsessed with the color orange as of late. She only wants to eat with orange cups and plates. She loves orange clothes and crayons. We do our best to go along with her orange needs. If an orange plate or cup is available, I always give one to her. She usually doesn't say anything in the direction of gratitude for my remembering that she prefers orange; I guess she just expects it.

On occasion there is nothing orange available, and she is presented with another color. This often results in her letting us know "But I wanted ORANGE!" Sometimes the orange plate is even obviously headed her direction and she starts to holler "I want orange!" a little panicked that it may somehow go to Kyle.

It's made me think. How often does God present us with the things we want/need and we offer little gratitude, just expect it. And as soon as we don't get what we feel we're entitled to we start into the whole disappointed, "But I wanted..." How often does he plan wonderful things for us, only for us to constantly remind Him that we somehow innately deserve that gift and more? I try to be grateful, but I think I need to be a little more grateful and a little less demanding.

This also comes into play when Claire asks for things. Sometimes it's inconvenient (get up and get stuff for her knowing that my dinner will not be warm upon return or my cereal will be soggy), sometimes it doesn't make sense (Not THAT cup! and I have to dump her milk into another cup, adding to my dishwasher workload). When these requests come and my first response is to say "No" or "Later" I remind myself of all the ridiculous things I ask Heavenly Father for, and then I get up and fulfill the request, hoping to add Karma to my Heavenly requests.

Weird how parenting is such a great way to learn about God.

cooking

I love to cook. LOVE it. I don't like to cook with my kids around though. Maybe it stems from the fact that when I was a toddler I leaned over a bowl in which my mother was mixing cheesecake---my hair got stuck in the beaters and literally pulled out at the roots. A lot of my hair. 1/4 of my head was bald to the skin. I spent the summer with a comb-over. I still remember the sound of the mixer and my mother screaming. I don't remember the pain though.

Anyway, for whatever reason it bugs me to cook with the kids. Every once in a while when I'm feeling overly generous and willing to test my patience I allow them to cook with me by my choice. I am getting better. The other day they helped me make homemade pizza. It was good, and I didn't freak out.

Last night I made a copy-cat recipe for Sizzler's Malibu Chicken. It's been on TV commercials a lot, and for some reason I just love it. I looked up the recipe and was thrilled that I could cook it from my pantry staples without any special trip to the store. I burned a couple pieces, but even they were delicious. It cooked so quickly and easily. And it was kind of fun. And my kids stayed out of the kitchen.

Here's the recipe if you're at a loss for what to make and don't want to go to the store (For the ham I used the Canadian bacon I keep frozen in my freezer).

Malibu Chicken:

• 6 boneless skinless chicken breasts (pound 'em thin)
• 6 slices cooked ham
• 6 slices swiss cheese
• 1 egg
• 1/4 cup flour
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/8 teaspoon pepper
• 3/4 cup fine dry breadcrumb
• 2 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 1 tablespoon water
• 1 teaspoon mustard
• 1/4 cup mayonnaise

Directions

1. Stir egg and 1 tablespoons water together with a fork.

2. Combine flour, salt and pepper and coat each chicken piece, dip into egg mixture and then coat with breadcrumbs making sure to press crumbs in firmly.

3. Heat oil and butter in large skillet over medium heat.

4. Brown chicken 4 to 5 minutes on each side.

5. Place browned chicken on cookie sheet or oven proof platter, top each piece with a slice of ham and slice of cheese.

6. Bake at 350 degrees, until cheese melts.

7. For the dipping sauce combine mustard and mayonnaise.

Did you catch me on YouTube?
Do you like the house the picked for me?


I did the interview while I had swine flu (the interviewer had been vaccinated and took the chance). I don't remember it at all, so it was fun to see what I said. We are inside Whitney's house during the interview.

Pre-School

Claire has started pre-school. Finally. A friend from the ward, Keli, recommended the school her son attends, so we just went with it. So far so good. She's been three times, and loves it more each day.

We have encouraged her to do at least one kind thing a day while she's at school. Then when I pick her up I ask her about it. She has twice reported helping the teacher and once helping a child pick something up. Today someone helped her glue butterflies to her paper. She appreciated that. In face they must have been a great team because she came home with a butterfly glued to her butt. BUTTerfly. Get it? I thought it was funny. Kyle and Claire just stared at me.

The best part of school is when we get to hear the stories and see the day's creations. Kyle loves to see what she comes home with. He offers ample praise: "Good job, Claire!" "So cute, Claire!" over and over. I can just see his inward battle on controlling his strong desire to want to be with her at school. He cried the first time Keli came to pick her up. He had his shoes on and was ready to go too! Today being day three he's starting to realize that it means one-on-one time for Kyle and Mom, and since I'm his absolute-number-one-favorite-person-of-all-time it bodes well (though not so well when he got up SIX times last night and would only be comforted by his "Mommy! I need MOMMY!").

On another Claire note she sang at Kerry Lynn (MIL)'s Women's Conference. I was a little concerned about the words----which all came out, but in an incorrect order. And she woke up that morning with a sore throat. Gram sewed the perfect dress, and we even curled her hair (with a lot of effort from both mom and Claire). There was a large cheering section which included: Me, Kyle, my mom, my sister Suzy, Taylor's sister Whitney, Taylor's Dad, Taylor's Grandparents, our special friend Sharon Dunn, and Kerry Lynn's Fab Five Friends. Taylor was totally bummed that he couldn't make it because of work. Apparently he hadn't been informed of the upcoming performance even though he had been to rehearsal.

With a little luck and a lot of prayer she was fabulous. She sang the first verse to Be Still My Soul. My mother-heart swelled within my chest like never before. Almost to tears. Almost. She even hummed one verse while Kerry Lynn played the harp. It was lovely. She was perfect.

When she finished Kyle clapped and shouted, "Yeah, Claire!" very loudly. Everyone giggled. He loves his sister so much.

Here is a picture after the dessert bar and after much running around. The kids and Gram:

And isn't Kyle the cutest little boy ever? He knows Be Still My Soul too now:)

Oh, and news of the week is that we are going to have our first nephew in July. Whitney, Taylor's sister, is expecting the little guy. We couldn't be happier for them.

I'm losing it, are you?

So Saturday was Miss America. A bunch of us from the ward gathered together to watch it. I promised to bring my annual Miss America dessert (so good, and certainly so bad for you that we try to do it only once a year). One of the ingredients is vanilla instant pudding. Thursday night i bought all of the ingredients. Saturday morning I got up early to make it before I had to be in Lehi by 10 for my mom's women's conference. I got the the pudding part and realized that I bought cook and serve pudding. With no time to spare I quite right there, put it in the fridge and planned to finish it before the party (fortunately there is no baking involved). So on my way back to Ogden I stopped and got more pudding. Double-checked to make sure it was instant. Got home, went to dump it, and again, Cook and Serve. What the heck? So I apologize for not bringing my much-spoken-of dessert. I did whip up the cook and serve and let it cool for hours and we had it last night. Taylor is happy to have access to as much as he wants.

It continues though. I left my scriptures at church yesterday. Then I was making a meat pie for dinner. I was making the crust and made only one layer instead of two. I'm beginning to worry.

Anyway, wasn't it fun to have someone win Miss A and actually have picked her as the winner? Wow! We were happy. My dad put together a "Party Bag" for everyone complete with programs and Miss Utah buttons and my crown. Everyone wore a button and got a picture wearing the crown. We stayed until 1am chatting, which wasn't so great for 9:00 church. Not to mention that the same group of us were out until 10ish on Thursday and spent the night together Friday (not me, I left at midnight). Our husbands may not be up for "girl's night" again any time soon :) And maybe the lack of sleep and excitement of adult conversation is why my brain isn't working...

Two things: Still didn't love the open-leg stance for swimsuit. SOO SOO SOOOOO glad that I didn't have to be in a reality show or called up for talent with two second before I had to begin.

And one more thing: Did you watch the Miss A preview show with Clinton Kelly? Wasn't he class-less? Boobies bouncing? He said that was his favorite part. Then they aired some negative comments about some of the girls while they were competing. If that were me I would cry when I saw it, and it would ruin the whole Miss A experience for the poor thing. Hated that part!